For the last few days I’ve been stuck at home bedridden. It’s been horrible to say the least. I’ve only had two visitors -Aunt Flo and Cousin Migraine. Do you think they bothered to bring a decent gift? If vomiting, lose of vision, possible blood transfusion, and MICHEAL I CAN SEE THE LIGHT SHOULD I GO TOWARDS IT episodes are the best gifts money can buy, I think they should BURN their money and start over.

Needless to say, It ain’t been pretty over here my friends. It’s been ugly. The exact OPPOSITE of pretty.

I shouldn’t complain. It hasn’t all been bad. I’ve brushed my teeth more times this week, than I have in the last 12 years. Coincidentally, my eldest is 12. The clues are all there. Don’t be lazy just piece them together.

Anyway. It’s time to brush my teeth again. I’M SO FULL OF JOY.

Everyone on the Internet is not your friend.

Sometimes Internet friends make the best friends.

Light bulbs can be a pain in the ass to screw in.

Light bulbs can be a bigger pain in the ass when they blow out.

Facebook  is the devil.

The people who post ignorant comments on Facebook are the devil.

This post has no substance.

Substance is in the eyes of the beholder. The real question – why are you still here?

The novelty has worn off. I really hate blogging….”mommy blogging.” I’m going to retire soon. Hold a press conference and all. Stay tuned.

1. Update my Facebook status: Stesha Sims has 1o minutes of free time.
2. “Like” and comment on my own Facebook status.
3. Tweet the following message: I only have 10 minutes to tweet.
4. Check my @ replies to see if someone has responded to my tweet. If no one has responded. Send another tweet: I only have 5 minutes left if anyone wants to tweet with me. Anyone?
   
5. Go back to Facebook and update with a new status: Stesha Sims has wasted her 1o minutes of free time.

Sprint has just launched Gaming on the Now Network™, bringing you the first wireless 4G network from a national carrier.  Sprint and JuiceBoxJungle have sponsored me to write about what “ten minutes” a day means to me.

Hello, Dear Readers. What are you and your family doing this summer? Big vacation plans? Mini vacation plans? Lazy days lounging by the pool? Library visits for some awesome readings? Planting a garden, maybe? Or maybe you have no plans. You’re just going to “wing it” as they say. WELL. My summer plans are to entertain you. Yes. They. Are. Do you see how giving I am? I mean I’m going to spend my entire summer making sure that my READERS are entertained. I think you’re special. And special people deserve special things. Also – I really need to complete some things on my Bite List. It’s a win win situation for all.

Hip Hip Hooray!

Anyway. Since the first month of the summer has already kicked off. I think I’ll start entertaining you the second month. Right after the 4th of July…because that’s my wedding anniversary and I have to *entertain* my husband.  I’m free after that. Wait. My eldest son turns 13 on the 19th of July so I have to plan something major for him. I’m going to have a teenager in the house, y’all! But I’m definitely free after that. Oh. Wow. I’ll be in New York the first weekend in August for a conference…I’m beginning to think that we need to rethink this entire entertainment thingy. It’s just not working for me.

Rain check, maybe?

Random Mocha: Shut up and serve me tea instead of coffee! I’m in love. Have y’all seen this?

When I was 13 years old I had a boyfriend. My first boyfriend. He was actually my secret boyfriend, because I wasn’t allowed to date. The only time that I could talk to him was before school, during school, after school, and through messages he relayed to my best friend at night. (She could talk on the phone to boys. I could not.) I was having a Secret Love Affair. I was so scandalous.

Anyway. He gave me his watch as a promise of our love. And I gave him little heart shaped doodles with our initials drawn into them. S.S LOVES G.F Forever and Ever and EVER. Our young love knew no boundaries.

At our lunch hour we wouldn’t eat lunch, we would sit  on a wooden bench, that was right outside of the cafeteria door, holding hands. It was magical, with a capital “M.” Those were the BEST 3 days of my life.

He broke up with me. Well…SHE broke up with me for him.

I can remember it like it was yesterday. My best friend, who didn’t want to relay the message via telephone, walked over to my house and said, “G.F. wants to breakup. He has a new girlfriend.”

“He can’t break up with me because I love him!”

“And he says he want his watch back.”

“But I love this watch like I love him!”

“He already has a new girlfriend”

“Wait a minute….how can he have a new girlfriend already?”

“Well…you can’t talk on the phone or really even date boys…and I can…so you know.”

And she took the watch and walked home.

Heartbreak 101.

If you had a day alone without the spouse or children, what would you do? I thought about this today, and came up with my top 5 things I would do if ever left home alone:

1. Shower: Yes, I know a daily shower should be apart of my normal routine. But. 7 kids, 4 dogs, 1 husband, and a container vegetable garden say otherwise.
2. Brush my teeth slowly: Looks like my day alone would be dedicated to my hygiene. I digress. While my husband and children hum lovely show tunes while brushing their teeth…I have to think of my dental hygiene as a covert operation. Get in. Get out.
3. Hog the Bed: Technically, I wouldn’t be hogging the bed if  I were home alone. But since I can’t hog the bed any other time. This would be the perfect opportunity. Right now I’m designated to a small landing strip in the upper corner of my bed. If I move from this teeny tiny landing strip, I wake up mysteriously covered in pee. Accident? I think not. It’s a warning. STAY ON YOUR LANDING STRIP OR ELSE.
4. Exercise: The last time I exercised Jane Fonda was the hard body on the block. Wait. Has it really been that long? I double digress. Anyway, I’d pop a Jillian Michaels DVD in and let her Work. It. Out. I would then thank her for such a wonderful workout that I so badly needed.
5. Make a milkshake: After the birth of my firstborn, the joy of savoring a milkshake by myself was RIPPED away from me. Literally torn from my hands. I have the bruises to prove it. So I would make me the most thickest and sweetest milkshake ever made – and drink it. ALL ALONE.

See. I don’t ask for much. My day alone would be oddly boring, yet perfect to me. What exciting things would you do?

Happy Earth Day: Fresh Mommy

An Earth Day apology letter: Mocha Dad

Take action on Earth Day 2010: Earth Day Network

Here are 30 ways to be green: Martha Stewart.Com

Earth Day activities for kids: Inhabitots

Calculate your Carbon Footprint: Carbon Footprint

Stylish and green decorating ideas: Green Your Decor

Don’t throw away that old necktie. Reuse it instead : Planet Green

Earth Day should be everyday. We should all put forth a daily effort, to ensure that we’re protecting Mother Earth, by not destroying her with harsh chemicals and materials. We should promote businesses, such as Paper Mango, who have taken an oath to promote sustainability. Paper Mango does their part by printing their cards and invites on eco-friendly, recycled paper.

Giveaway: Leave a comment stating what you do…or plan to do to protect our Mother Earth. One lucky commenter will win the Mother’s Day card of their choice (purchased by me) from Paper Mango’s Shop, to give to another very special mother in their life…or keep for themselves. Winner will be chosen on Monday, April 26, 2010, and announced on this post. No comments accepted after 12 PM Noon CST,  Monday, April 26, 2010.

And the winner is Tabitha Blue!

Happy Earth Day!

Last night I was talking to a dear friend about Twitter. She refuses to join it. And she thinks it’s stupid. GASP. Note To Self:  From this moment on, all new friends must have an established and active Twitter account. Next Note To Self: How do I rid myself of people who call themselves my friend, but don’t even know my Twitter Handle. Specifically…this so called friend.

I joke. Good friends are very rare these days. And besides… she bakes the best cupcakes. I need her in my life. Good cupcakes, like $50 bottled water, are almost non-existent.

She: Twitter is stupid. It’s just instant messaging gone wrong.

Me: Twitter is all that is right with this world. Twitter saves people. It’s a miracle worker and a healer.

She: It’s a big waste of time.

Me: Martha Stewart is on Twitter.

She: Big deal.

Me: Oprah is on Twitter too. And she’s a really big deal.

She: Did you just call Oprah fat?

Me: Um…no. I would never call Oprah…your idol fat.

She: Yes. You. Did.

Me: No. I. Didn’t.

She: How would you like it if I joined Twitter, just so I could tell Oprah you called her fat?

Me: {thinking to myself} Mission Accomplished.

For the wedge lover in you: Princess Dominique

Feeling adventurous on the bay: So Says Sarah

Please learn the carpool rules: Mom Files

Funny feet: Mama’s Got Moxie

Speed courtesy of Walt Disney: Ask Wifey

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