Emergency Room Diary: Episode 2
To truly understand this post you must read episode 1. After that…I make no promises.
Awesome. My head is pounding. My leg is limp. My taste in clothing is *ahem* questionable. And I’ve just been told that I’m a “beautiful” junkie by The Voice aka The Real Junkie. Life is so sweet.
I’m greeted at the nurse’s station by a nurse with lots of red lipstick plastered over, around, and under her lips. The cutest thing on Angry Nurse is her frown.
Angry Nurse tells me to have a seat. Looks at her computer screen, and then begins to take my vitals. As she’s checking my blood pressure she stops and ask, “So tell me what’s wrong?”
I meditate on this question for a moment. Do I mention the limp…because OH, IT’S REAL. But that would just open the window to some very awkward questions. HEY, I DIDN’T ASK FOR THE LIMP. IT INVITED ITSELF OVER. So I say, “I have a terrible headache. It feels like someone has hit me in the back of the head with a frying pan.” Note: Never say frying pan and headache in the same sentence to Angry Nurse, it will result in the following questions: WELL? DID SOMEONE HIT YOU IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A FRYING PAN? DID SOMEONE PUSH YOU DOWN SOME STAIRS? WHO DROVE YOU HERE?
I’m stunned. Stairs? Why is she screaming? I’m here because I have a headache, dammit. Should I tell her my husband drove me here? That’s a NO GO. She’ll have him handcuffed and sentenced in two seconds flat. Why is she so angry? So many questions…and no sane person to answer.
So. I repeat myself…very slowly to Angry Nurse. It. Feels. Like. Someone.Has. Hit. Me. Over. The. Head.With. A. Frying. Pan. I. Was. Not. Actually. Hit. Over. The. Head. With. A. Frying. Pan. My emergency room visit has come to this. Me sounding like an echo…and a damn fool.
Angry Nurse has seen and heard it all,because she snaps back, “It’s just my job to check…BUT if someone IS hitting you over the head with a frying pan…you can tell me…OKAY?” And because I can sense that Angry Nurse really cares about people getting hit over the head with frying pans, I manage to muster back a very loud, “OKAY!”
Vitals are finished. Blood pressure slightly elevated. Really? I wonder why? Oxygen at 99%…”that’s 1% from being perfect,” Angry nurse informs me. I think Angry Nurse missed her calling. She should have been a Mathematician. She’s really good at math. Again….does wording on your behind automatically place you in the “JUNKIES WHO FAILED REMEDIAL MATH CLUB? DOES IT?
Ah. Angry Nurse ushers me back to the waiting area until they have an available room. I look to my right. The Voice aka The Junkie is still there. Smiling. Front tooth still missing. I limp left. THIS HOSPITAL IS HELL ON EARTH. I find a seat in the corner. Pull a sweater out of my bag. Cock my head to the side even more, and throw my sweater over it.
To. Be. Continued.
Stesha you are killing me LOL.
hangingwithmrscooper´s last blog ..It’s Mom’s Birthday
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Let me guess, next they are going to think there is nothing wrong with you, you are just drug seeking. I recently went to the emergency room and even after repeatedly telling them I am allergic to ALL pain meds so can you just find out whats wrong with me so we can fix it? The ER doc cocks his head to the side and says ” So, what do you like, loritab, percocet, what?”
What I’d like is a stick to beat you over the head with, short of that,I’ll go home now.
Carol´s last blog ..The return of the cake lady
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Stesha Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
I hate the emergency room.
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Okay, I read episode two, before I read one. I’m not good with directions lately!
I can’t believe you’re making us wait! I want to know what in the hell was wrong with you. 2. What else did Junkie have to say. 3. Did Angry Nurse give you a shot in your butt. 4. And how long did your husband stay outside with he kids.
And yes, I have other questions, but I’ll stop there.
LaTonya´s last blog ..Numbers, Dollars, and Sense
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LOL! Some questions I can answer now. After she did my vitals, that was the last contact I had with Angry Nurse. My husband and the kids were outside for awhile, they went sightseeing…drove around. Oh, I went to the hospital because I had a headache…a very bad headache. I’m making you wait, because these posts are so long, and I’m not a writer..LOL!
Stesha´s last blog ..Project iPhoto 365: 15/365 – Classic
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ahhh…angry nurse sounds so…well, angry and not helpful at all. and just so you know, i would really want to know if someone was hitting you with a pan on your head.
a thorn among roses´s last blog ..i still remember the beach…
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Ugh, I feel bad that you had to talk so much with such a horrible headache! I’d been ready curse someone out!
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Hmm. I wonder why Angry Nurse… is a nurse?
anniedz´s last blog ..Cocktail Hour for Four: Fabulous Tableware! Part 2
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