So, Mardi Gras is officially over, and I’m just posting this picture. I had no choice. BLAME THE BITE LIST. It won’t allow me to blog. It’s jealous, I tell ya.

Okay, I need some help. Do y’all remember my Bite List? Of course my dear readers remember my Bite List.  THIS BLOG HAS BEEN CONSUMED BY MY BITE LIST! (I know y’all see the poll in the sidebar. GO VOTE FOR MY FIRST TASK!) I’m 90% sure that my Bite List gave me Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. (It was a long list, y’all.) The other 10% I blame on Words With Friends. (If you wish to challenge me to a game, my user name is SteshaSimsSays.) Anyway, back to Bite List Business.

I don’t know what y’all will select for me to do first, but I’ve already selected my second task. #75 please come forth! See! I’m a PREPARER. I prepare things. Moving right along. Here’s where your expert opinion is needed. (I can only repay you with my kind words or a virtual hug. The choice is yours.) I have two pieces of neglected furniture that I rescued from a local flea market, but only ONE can win the Purple Mocha Makeover Lottery!

Which one needs my Purple Mocha Lovin’ the most?

Item #1:

or

Item #2:

WHICH ONE? I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs in anticipation. OH, WHAT WILL MY DEAR READERS SAY? Somebody close my eyes. I can’t look!

p.s. Item #1 also has two chairs. Oh, alright here is the photo:

I’m about to Karate Chop this blog, if I can’t find a theme that makes me swoon…or pee my pants with joy, like this video might or might not have done:

Kyndle: I’ve decided to change my name.

Me: Oh, really? What’s your new name?

Kyndle: Kyndle.

Me: Um…isn’t that your old name?

Kyndle: No. My old name was Kyndle Alexis. I’m not Kyndle Alexis anymore. I’m just Kyndle.

Me: Actually, the only time we call you Kyndle Alexis is when you misbehave.

Kyndle: I know! That Kyndle Alexis is something.

Here are some unedited iPhone photos, of the the reactions I got from the twins, when I told them it was their birthday. Said reactions could have also been induced by a dancing mother. But we will never know, will we?

Eden:

I just don’t believe you.

Let me think about this for a moment.

Elijah:

I’m not falling for that.

I’m no longer listening to you.

78 is a very odd number for a list, but as the old saying goes…it’s my list and I’ll number it how I want to.

1. Learn sign language.
2. After I do #1 teach my family sign language.
3. Finish college. I only have 3 semesters left.
4. Learn to finger paint.
5. Sleep in a tent inside our house.
6. Have a sleepover with my friends.
7. Toss a penny in a fountain and make a wish.
8. Donate $25, 000 to Charity: Water.
9. Host a tea party.
10. Master the art of photography.
11. Attend Carnival in Brazil.
12. Adapt a more green lifestyle.
13. Learn ballet…you’re never too old, right?
14. Learn to swim.
15. Take a vacation by myself.
16. Buy my grandmother a headstone for her grave.
17. Capture a photo of my children flying kites.
18. Build a sand castle.
19. Hula hoop in the rain with my daughters.
20. Eat sushi.
21. Learn to drive a standard.
22. Create a line of eco-friendly greeting cards.
23. Plant a rose garden.
24. Plant a vegetable garden.
25. Remake Pretty Woman with me being the replacement for Julia Roberts.
26. Throw my husband a spectacular birthday party.
27. Have a real wedding ceremony.
28. Publish a book of photographs.
29. Go fishing with my family.
30. Teach my children to appreciate words and the power they have.
31. Meet Oprah and have her bask in the glory of me.
32. Give a homeless person money and not wonder what they do with it.
33. Visit Paris and have a cup of coffee at Cafe Les Deux Magots.
34. Ice skate in Central Park.
35. Have my entire family volunteer in a homeless shelter.
36. Have my own iPhone application. If Kim Kardashian can have one…why can’t I?
37. Save $1,000 in spare change just for the fun of it.
38. Wear a tutu.
39. Set-up a summer lemonade stand with my children and give the money to a needy family.
40. Complete my home design projects.
41. Touch Donald Trump’s hair.
42. Build recycling containers for my home.
43. Send flowers to my husband.
44. Watch the movies Beaches and A Christmas Story for 24 hours straight.
45. Write a petition in support of a great cause.
    
46. Launch my new website/social networking site. (I’m almost there.)
47. Have a real life conversation with a stranger without thinking paranoid thoughts.
48. Buy my very 1st Digital SLR camera.
49. Surprise my husband with a trip to Atlantis for the honeymoon we never had.
50. Design a line of ec0-friendly tees.
51. Play hopscotch again.
52. Build a treehouse for my children
53. Learn Japanese.
54. Learn French.
55. Learn Spanish.
56. Learn Latin.
57. Smile more.
58. Eat hummus.
59. Roast marshmallows.
60. Write a comedy screenplay.
61. Enter to be a contestant on The Amazing Race.
62. Paint my fingernails and toenails any shade of blue.
63. Focus on my health and not my weight.
64. Drink more water.
65. Run a marathon.
66. Bake a cake from scratch.
67. Enjoy all the good things in life that happen to my family and I to the fullest.
68. Go on a summer road trip with my family.
69. Catch fresh lobster and cook it.
70. Collect seashells.
71. Design a candy buffet for my children just for the fun of it.
72. Drive in silence.
73. Own a Volkswagon Beetle.
74. Take a photo of lemons.
75. Paint a piece of furniture purple.
76. Attend a NBA game.
77. Attend a NFL game.
78. Sing out loud.
79. Photograph 50 beach.
80. Photograph 100 smiling babies.
81. Project Me. (Take a daily photo of myself for an entire year.)

*update* There’s just so much to see, learn, do, and capture. Why limit myself and my list? I can’t. So maybe I’ll be forever adding.

I (my blog) was once featured in Good Housekeeping. OKAY! I wouldn’t exactly say featured, because that implies the entire story was about me. (or does it?) I should say featured with…or maybe alongside. And it wasn’t the magazine.  It was the website….fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes, people!

…get back back back on.

Blame Maria. She introduced me to Old Spice.

Do you know what salt poured on an open wound feels like? Close your eyes and try imagining THE URINARY TRACT INFECTION FROM HELL! I repeat for those of you not listening. Close your eyes and try imagining THE URINARY TRACT INFECTION FROM HELL!

Yesterday afternoon I spent a few hours at the urgent care. I happily peed in a cup and happily waited for the doctor to give me the results. No, it wasn’t a pregnancy test. It was a test to see how much damage I had done to my body, by replacing water with any carbonated drink I could chug down. Kids, please don’t try this trick at home. Some things are just irreversible:

SERIOUSLY!

Anyway, it took the doctor one minute of admiring my delightful urine in the microscope, before saying, “do you know what water taste like?”

“Water?  H2O?  I barely touch the stuff, my dear.” (I didn’t really say “my dear.” In hindsight, I should have…the more dramatic the post…the better.)

So after the “this is your bladder” and “this is your bladder on drugs” lecture. I was sent home with three days of antibiotics and STRICT instructions to stay away from all carbonated beverages.

Sure thing, doc! No carbonated beverages. No beverages with carbonation. Let’s do this, my sweet and thoughtful husband. Let’s get some teamwork around here!

Team, are you listening? Team, why do you have your window down? Team, are you placing an order? Um… Team, did you just pull into the Sonic that I did a drive-off at on last week, and order a coke?

Clearly, the I in team is silent.

Me: I wish I had time to take a shower.

Michael: I wish you had time too.

Me: Maybe, I’ll shower after you shower.

Michael: …maybe.

Me: It would be nice if someone could watch the kids while I showered.

Michael: That would be nice.

Me: *sigh*

Michael: I think I’m going to bed after I shower….watch a movie or something.

Me: Such a lovely world you live in.

Michael: Babe! If you want to take a shower…just say so. I”ll put the kids to bed.

Me: I want to take a shower.

Micheal: Okay! That’s all you had to say…but you’re going to have to wait. I used all the hot water.

Sidenote: I didn’t take a shower that night. I fell asleep while waiting for the hot water to return. I guess it went on vacation or something.