What My Mother Forgot To Tell Me
My dear readers, we have a guest today:
Keyona of The New Norm. You can also follow Keyona on Twitter.
I grew up in an as-normal-as-it-gets type of household.
My mom and dad have always had one of those perfect relationships.
I couldn’t wait to grow up and get a husband just like my dad.
I just knew it would be like a fairytale. Birds singing and butterflies.
Breakfast in bed and weekends spent in bed. Late night walks with lots of hand holding.
Hahahahahaha. Wrong. My mother deceived me. Big time.
Husbands. They are not all our mom’s cracked them up to be.
Let’s take a look at what I’ve learned about husbands….at least mine.
-They NEVER grow up. You might as well count them when people ask how many kids you have.
-No matter what, they will always EXPECT you to cook. Even if they don’t say it. They expect it. Trust me on this.
-They believe wholeheartedly that SEX is a right. They are mistaken. It is a privilege that can be easily revoked. Remember this.
-When they were created, somehow God misplaced the “clean up after yourself” gene. Just let it go. No matter how much you train them, it won’t stick.
-You will always be the mean mom and they will always be the FUN parent. Get over it.
-If they are a)watching sports b)watching a sports show or c)playing a sports video game. Forget it. Forget what you may ask. Forget anything. Until one of the above is over they are mentally no longer with you.
-And most importantly. Never argue with them. They will always have an excuse or rebuttal. Your best bet is to out-think them. There will always be a chance for payback. i.e. laxatives in food, locking the sex vault, hiding the remote control, etc…..
Ladies. Educate your daughters. Do not make the mistake our mothers made before us. Tell Them The Truth.
Husbands are just practice for the real deal. Having children.
So true! I already count mine as one of my kids.
Amen girl! My parent were married for 30+ years when she passed away and i always thought they were magical. Now with my own husband (who by his own right is my prince charming) i have realized that a man is just another child. And God help any of you who get the Mama’s boy like I did!!!! That is a whole other story!
Hey! I know Keyona!! I love it when I run into familiar people in unexpected places
Awesome post, Keyona. You hit the nail on the head!
Hey! Thanks for the bloggy love. You guys rock! Especially you Stesha!
)
ROFLOL – that was a great post. I’m going to head on over to her blog and check it out.
Sex is a privilege – you’re damn right.
The sports thing though? I’m such a man when it comes to football. Should he venture into my space on Sunday, Monday and sometimes Thursday….he had better just wait until halftime.
This was too funny!! I can agree with you on most of this stuff. I think my hubby acts this way on weekends. Because during the week he has to be an adult.
I’m happy to see that you’ve all given our guest a warm welcome! I think ice-cream is in order.
Who’s buying?
Anyone?
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
Ok, so I started to highlight the ones that I liked and wholeheartedly agree with … and then realized I was just copying your whole post!!! I agree with you…we do need to educate our daughters about this…and how hard it is to be a mother. Great post!
I might have to try hiding the remote.
LOL! Funny, yes, but I must say that as someone who WAS married for many years, and is now in an awesome relationship, that the thing we should be teaching our daughters is to be strong, independent women who are capable of choosing the right mate to marry.
‘Cuz ladies, I know that when it ain’t right, it ain’t right. But when it is, well then, IT SO IS. And nothing is better.
No! Don’t give into the lie. Because your mothers aren’t the only people keeping quiet.
Chances are, unless you married your man right out of high school and he went straight from mother’s loving arms to yours, he’s hiding a few key things from you:
1. He can do his own laundry, dishes and other cleaning. He just doesn’t want to, and he knows you’ll do it for him.
2. He can either cook or knows how to fend for himself with food. Once again, just doesn’t want to because now he thinks he doesn’t have to.
3. He can discipline his children, but as long as you’re willing to step in, he’s content to be the fun dad.
Don’t be fooled. As soon as you give up and decide that your husband actually HAS the mental handicap he pretends to have, all is lost and you’re stuck with an over-grown child for the rest of your life.
Hehe…this is funny b/c it’s a little bit true, but I’m with raisin girl. Hub does all of the above…and some of it better than me!